Manufacturing defect

If I be a hippo I wouldn’t have to worry about all the mud that is slung across to me. because we hippos like to roll around in mud you know. Ever heard of a delicate hippo with skin allergies and skin that is easily susceptible to damage? What happened to divine design? I demand my money back.

P.S: Fake hides anyone?

Walking away

Why does one need to assert their superiority to anyone, when nobody is contesting it? What happened to being open- minded and respecting other people's views- however dumb or incoherent they may sound to you?

Maybe, its insecurity. I am guilty of doing that too but that’s all water under the bridge now.

Nice matters you know.

Fish and hips

Are fish sexy? Sure mermaids are sexy. But what about them other fish in the sea? We plan to make them sexy too. We are for reservations in sexy for all those deadly sharks and them powerful whales. Whales are beautiful and powerful. We can surely rock the boat or a whole ship. And them sharks dripping with awesome coolethness can bite anyone’s head off.

So let’s rock the boat, go bite and have a sexy party as Stewie Griffin would say.

There is something about fishy coming this saturday to a watering pool near you.

Jokicide happened

The new coinage “jokicide1” will be explained with said example:
Pom’s status message on gtalk read – Want to have coffee with P. So bored me responds saying “what are you a modern coffee loving version of Morarji Desai?2” he doesn’t get it. He says, why and how come. I say coffee with P(ee) it seems. Pom is still confused by the reference- he continues to ask but why Morarji Desai? I lose my cool and say P as in pee- PEE IN YOUR COFFEE- now do you get it? He doesn’t so I just put up an emoticon and say damn you – you killed my joke. He goes on to explain P is woman still being clueless about the said reference. I lose it and just then brutal Jokicide happened. Sigh.
Jakaal 3 is a mass grave for many such jokes. They were killed by being brutally torn apart bit by bit when they were not gotten by the receiver and had to be explained. What to do? ‘Tis sad indeed.

1. Jokicide- the killing of a joke.
2. Morarji Desai as legend has it would drink his own urine
3. What we affectionately call the workplace.

No room for improvement!

The main reason I resent lissano and emo atyacharjee, next door is because they have a bigger room; we fucking pay the same rent. Not fair I say. I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you – I don’t want to be friends with you just because you are my flatmates. And you just remember I stay here too so maybe you could make some space in the fridge for me. You are not the only people in the house you know and you sure do act like it.
Today you guys crossed all limits – Queen emo atyacharjee has her whole courtroom with the jesters and her cabinet follow her around and they usually eat, sleep etc and basically hang around OUR flat! One of the clinger-ons actually asked my roommate to not lock our room. Damn you woman – you have a house go there and study.
Do I ever ask for your friend’s room? No. I don’t. Some of us have some fucking decency. I have been saddled with the tiniest room in the house but do I ever wander across to your room? Hell no! I feel suffocated sharing it with someone. Do I ever come and sit in your room? I keep to myself in my room when am home so next time don’t ask for my room damn it!
And Moserella, I am so pissed off with you- it was not just your room to give away to someone! Wtf, I mean it is my room too! I don’t buy the excuse that she wanted to study. She doesn’t even live in the freaking house damn it! Let her go to her own house and study or prance around. You give away my books and now this- really learn to respect other people’s things. I don’t like them (the clinger-ons) being there- really this is the limit- I have privacy/ possession issues- don’t test me woman. Don’t ask for my bucket too – I don’t care if it will be put to use by someone at least. You will pick out the last straw one of these days and heaven or whatever you believe in help you then…
You know what guys if I would have found another place I would have gladly moved- let’s live and let live and not interfere with each others lives for now, ok? Is that too much to ask? Give me some space damn it. Stay away from my damn room and keep your scumy hands off all things that are mine.

One jealousy supreme coming right up!

We have given up our usual bouts of the blues for the greens lately. I still sulk but deep within me there is a nasty green brew stirring and it is ghastly.

The brat, who usually manages photos that are cute, fun and playful – has a new avatar. She manages to look elegant in her most recent pictures- initially I was happy that my baby sister posing with a glass of champagne and a real classy dress could pull it off. I even dedicated my facebook status message to her. But deep inside I turned a shade that was close to the colour of her dress- deadly radioactive green, was my colour.

I am jealous of colleagues, I am jealous of friends- and I am stupid enough to tell them so and they look at me like some freak with her underwear on her head. I don’t know what to do. I know it’s not malicious- I just don’t have anything to be proud of now. Anyone care to offer an analysis?

Nine Months

I guess the gestation period is over and I find myself stuck in the birth canal waiting for the final push. It shows no signs of coming with the complications like recession in the picture. Will all my dreams and aspiration be DOA? Till then am stuck in a limbo- waiting to be born, waiting to be free- waiting for an end or a new beginning.

It has not been smooth sailing so far but here we are nine months down the line – demanding change and in the grips of uncertainty. Big fish in a small muddy puddle- I want out. I am very comfortable here and want to get out before I put down roots.

P.S : someone please hire me!