Notes about "it" (creature)

Our first meeting was in a hospital in Mangalore. I was introduced to this pink looking creature that was cocooned in a white bundle; they insisted that it was my little sister. I don’t recall what I felt then; but the pictures show me sulking; I was clearly was not happy. Maybe I had senses at a tender age of two that life would never be the same again.I was no longer the center of attention; I was no more the baby.

As she grew up and crawled all over the place she made a bee-line for my toys and everything that was mine; this continues to this day and I kindly return the favour by borrowing her things too. As we grew older we realized that we were polar opposites and we didn’t even look alike. This gave me a brilliant idea I told her she was adopted for she didn’t resemble anyone in the immediate family, I also added that she was a monkey my parents found hanging on the trees and they chopped her tail off and decided to raise her as a human. I guess she still holds this against me and we never got along. We did have a few rare moments where we bonded like the time when we dumped most of mom’s make –up into a bucket to make a witches brew or uniting against a common enemy; but they were rare.

Then came the challenging teenage years; the territorial battles continued and manifested themselves into fights that were both physical and verbal. She accused me of stretching her top; I blamed her for running my shoe; I raided her secret stash of chocolates and ate them all and she got mad and got her revenge by some way or the other but silly things like these turned our home into a battlefield and chairs tables and glasses were used as weapons. It was usually a kick, bite, scratch, pinch, punch and pull hair routine that we followed till we were tired or till some one gave up. This continued till I moved out; not having to look at each other everyday changed our relationship and I did miss my fight buddy a lot. No could hold a candle to her when it came to fighting.

I like the relationship that we share at present; we are not the best of friends but we are not enemies either. It’s more of a live and let live kind of an arrangement. We do talk and I think we are getting close to being friends; we may not share all our secrets but we do care about each other. Being the older one I take it on myself to guide and protect her and she does come to me for advice when she needs it. We still do enjoy a playful repartee and I sometimes refer to her as “it” or “creature” affectionately.

When I was younger I told my parents that they didn’t need to have her when they had me. But life wouldn’t have been the same without my sister.

(I wrote this for renu she asked me to write about a special relationship for sakaal times and this is what I wrote, this is the un-cut, unedited and flawed version)

This is for you,you and not YOU

Here I am on a Saturday morning wondering if am a princess or a bull or an ululus. I know am over-the-top paranoid today and the smallest of things upset me and I shouldn’t really care about what people say; If you’re reading, (I highly doubt it) know your not perfect nor am I ; I know am not smart enough or cool enough to be your friend anymore; people drift away, it happens. I had a very cheap, funny poem about you; it was a product of all my nastiness combined but I didn’t post it and doubt I’ll ever do such a thing. Goodbye, former friends and if me or some other people being miserable makes your day, go ahead and enjoy!

P.S.: we always saw right through your pseudo- intellectual airs. You’re fooling no one; you do have some talent hope you put it to good use. Adieu to you, all my fair weather friends, if our path do cross and you ignore my existence; know that I will smile for I know what you truly are…

I don’t know what your problem is lady; I don’t care about what you make for breakfast, dinner or lunch. I can very well survive without eating a meal or two and you don’t have to fuss over me skipping a meal. Don’t tell me my room is not neat enough- cleanliness is not exactly a virtue in my book. You can’t change me, so please give up. You can fix up all the matches in the world – but please spare me, getting married or having kids is not one of my lives goals and it will never be so. I still do love you but please don’t push me away. I am sure you have you can find better things to do than finds faults in me- it does not encourage but discourage. You will never get that. Will you?

You’re a saint; but I don’t want to be you. Girls dread turning into their mothers and that’s the stuff my nightmares are made of; that and the assorted bag of calamities that paranoid me makes up. You can do sudoku all day but please don’t ask me to pray or believe that is not how things work. If you’d read this you would say there’s too much negativity and that I should refrain from writing things like this. You’ve been my fan, my critic and my support but I’ve changed a lot and you don’t know me anymore, you don’t want to know me anymore. This bird flew out of the nest a long time ago.

I am not your little girl anymore. I have done a lot of things that little girls are not supposed to do; things that am not particularly proud of’. I chose not to be another frog in the well; and that’s when you realized that I existed and noticed me; I was gone before you knew it; that was five years ago. I admire you I look up to you – you will always be my hero but this is my life you can’t protect me forever. I love you and I’ll always be your little girl; nothing can change that but you have to let go. I may not do all the things you want me to do but I still want to make you proud, but I am lost right now and I have to find my way on my own. I will still ask for your advice when I think I need it. You just have to let this wild flower flourish by itself. I just hope you get to know the real me someday and I get to know you…

… I am just having one of those days!

The universe is out to get me today!

GOOD RIDDANCE

Big brother can keep looking for am off the map. GOOD RIDDANCE.
Sartre said that one experiences freedom the most when one says NO.
The power of saying No is heady and the consequences will follow, but I have no regrets- life goes on. Its high time I got a real life . So adieu to orkut, facebook etc. i won't miss you.
A big thanks to Vijay Mallya and Mallya aditi school for making me non- google- able.

Quote for the day : social networking is not for anti- social people. :D

Goodbye laziness, I hope I overcome you and study/blog more often.

So here's to change! a brand new name, a brand new start.

Cheers!

Legend of Nerdorina.

Long, long time ago, okay not so long ago, there was a peasant girl called Nerdorina. I call her a peasant because she says she is one, well she calls herself a working class/ proletariat person. That is far from the truth she is a proletariat with a lot of bourgeois habits and she openly admits to her being so... but Nerdorina the peasant has been and still is a princess to many people, but that is a different story and will not be mentioned here, not because i respect her privacy but its too messy to get into.

Coming back to our story, Nerdorina and Princess Sarcastica(irony that she is nobody's princess and the peasant girl is..) went to a modern day tavern - where the rivers of liquid gold flow freely and fearlessly, distorting the minds of many just like the smoke that hangs around like fog in the morning in winter. Why did two pretty damsels go to the tavern all alone? Well they had many motives - Nerdorina had to get permission from the owner, to shoot a film for her research project. So it is strictly business she said - then one could see the unmistakable spark in her four eyes two of which were red and black. Nerdorina had her reasons - a reason who plays track after track, every night at the tavern. The reason also had a trishul piercing, ( Sarcastica : am sure he is in league with some hindutva faction! Nerdorina : hmpf!) and hence her reason was christened TP- wala( TP = trishul piercing).

Sarcastica was worried that people might think her and nerdorina were a lesbian couple because they had frequented the bar before and it was just the two of them.Nerdorina didn't care she had the hots for TP- wala. Sarcastica was really bored and hadn't had the drink, that many called her birth right, for ages now. So she just went along for the fun or as she said let the good times roll!She could always make fun of Nerdorina (yup! Sarcastica is the mean one) and beer is not alcoholic (hence her excuse) so a few glasses wouldn't hurt!
Six thirty, on a very rainy day and they are glad to be underground in a near empty PUB- they get a good table but princess Sarcastica doesn't want to sit anywhere near the MAN UTD banner. Nerdorina sits near it anyway and princess grumbles- throws a near tantrum but shut ups when she is promised beer.
The drinks snacks are ordered and Nerdorina wonders if she should go talk to the owner, she decides to wait a while- I'll go after a smoke and a few sips of beer she says.With a little alcohol in their systems they start with their insane, seemingly pointless discussions that could be marked as pseudo- intellectual and dumb at the same time(to be noted that its not the alcohol, that makes them talk like they do- its the same when they are sober). Nerdorina having had a few sips of beer - guided by her urge to smoke rummages through her bag for smokes and matches. She finds her smokes easily enough - sarcastica would be worried if she didn't find them ( nerdorina gets real nasty and cranky without her smokes and sarcastica can't handle her then). Nerdorina's face morphs and she continues frantically digging up the contents of her bag - and out on the table is a RUSHDIE novel! "Where the fuck is my lighter?" she screams in sheer desperation. A waiter jumps to the rescue of our damsel in distress- he offers her a light and all is well or so it seemed. Sarcastica saw the RUSHDIE novel and was dying to start with her snide, cheeky remarks and was shutting up because she didn't want to piss off Nerdorina when she was not functioning like a chimney spewing out smoke.
Sarcastica : novel huh?
nerdorina : yeah thought I'd get to read a bit if i got bored.
S: wow! you can actually read novels in pub, they are so well lit up and not too different from libraries! Right on sister! The loud music and noise - excellent ambience to read for sure!
n: I knew I’d get bored with YOU!!!
S: NERD! Hmpf!
(Silence, well if u don't count the classic rock in the background and over thirty people yelling all around them, both of them gulp down beer to drown out the relative silence at their table)
Right now its very essential to mention that Nerdorina and Sarcastica share a love- hate relationship- they make take each others cases but at the end of the day things work out so them. So Sarcastica starts babling along again (yeah she just can't shut up- she can go on and on and on)"hey guess what am checking out your TP - wala" she said mockingly, but it was HIM that they were talking about to nerdorina cheered up and said tell me more... so sarcastic obliged n described his every move on the bar stool and at the end when he went out of sight she remarked " hmm, not bad, really not bad, he is kinda cute". Nerdorina dreamily lost in some parallel universe says “oh! Yes he is.. " Sarcastica shook her out of reverie by saying " You know a guy like that wont be on the market for long, am sure he has a girlfriend or is gay or something".
More angry looks are thrown around there is another spell of silence.Some 20-20 world cup match was going on and hence started their next discussion
Sarcatica : is cricket bourgeois or proletariat?
Nerdorina : that will depend on many things like say the country... interesting question...

S : (trying to look at her reflection in the beer) do you suppose its the same with beer? i mean is it bourgeois? Everything changes when we talk about India....And a long insane conversation followed where the world was divided into bourgeois and proletariat etc.)

The end!

UNINVITED BLUES.

uninvited blues waltz
back into my life!
the meadows of my cheeks
glazed with rain,
for both the eyes
conspired to flood!
the blues don't have a
name, face or purpose-
blues for blues sake,
i suppose!

soon pretentious morning
will be here,
we will wear
our smiles on again
like we do every day!
last night will be a-
secret between
the tear flavoured pillow
and my non- existent sandman.

love,
aditi

( more late night poetry, i know its crap why the hell did i post it?)

B.L.T : before literary thoery!

Looking back at the ignorant times when I thought.....

Foucault sounded like a pole vault!

Northrop Fry was a variety of exotic bacon!

Nietzsche was some atheist dude!

Marx was just a commie!

And pronounced Descartes as desecrates ( read as it is spelled)
or even des- cartes and not de- cart! ( that totally killed a joke)

n recently the indianisation of Ferdinand Saussure which was phardi - nand - lal sasuri! lol and this was before the literary theory paper!

bourgeois was pronounced as it was spelled!!!

Its all changed now!!!!!!!!

life will never be the same again!

p.s : Meera said that bloggers are bad people! (phew! took out the last name cause it was showin up on google)

Sisters!

amrita : why are you being nice to me?

me : m goin soft! n i think i shd be nice to u... tryin to end the 20 yrs of animosity n mistrust! u hv a prob wid me being nice to u? u wnt me to be the bitchy mean elder sis again? ur call....

neways m tryin to mk up 4 things ... n it may include shoppin! provided u get ur ass here...

( comments on if i will be sucessful... she sure as hell dsnt believe me!)

(blogged this coz i want to admit that i have been a bad sis n m trying to make amends)