Legend of Nerdorina.

Long, long time ago, okay not so long ago, there was a peasant girl called Nerdorina. I call her a peasant because she says she is one, well she calls herself a working class/ proletariat person. That is far from the truth she is a proletariat with a lot of bourgeois habits and she openly admits to her being so... but Nerdorina the peasant has been and still is a princess to many people, but that is a different story and will not be mentioned here, not because i respect her privacy but its too messy to get into.

Coming back to our story, Nerdorina and Princess Sarcastica(irony that she is nobody's princess and the peasant girl is..) went to a modern day tavern - where the rivers of liquid gold flow freely and fearlessly, distorting the minds of many just like the smoke that hangs around like fog in the morning in winter. Why did two pretty damsels go to the tavern all alone? Well they had many motives - Nerdorina had to get permission from the owner, to shoot a film for her research project. So it is strictly business she said - then one could see the unmistakable spark in her four eyes two of which were red and black. Nerdorina had her reasons - a reason who plays track after track, every night at the tavern. The reason also had a trishul piercing, ( Sarcastica : am sure he is in league with some hindutva faction! Nerdorina : hmpf!) and hence her reason was christened TP- wala( TP = trishul piercing).

Sarcastica was worried that people might think her and nerdorina were a lesbian couple because they had frequented the bar before and it was just the two of them.Nerdorina didn't care she had the hots for TP- wala. Sarcastica was really bored and hadn't had the drink, that many called her birth right, for ages now. So she just went along for the fun or as she said let the good times roll!She could always make fun of Nerdorina (yup! Sarcastica is the mean one) and beer is not alcoholic (hence her excuse) so a few glasses wouldn't hurt!
Six thirty, on a very rainy day and they are glad to be underground in a near empty PUB- they get a good table but princess Sarcastica doesn't want to sit anywhere near the MAN UTD banner. Nerdorina sits near it anyway and princess grumbles- throws a near tantrum but shut ups when she is promised beer.
The drinks snacks are ordered and Nerdorina wonders if she should go talk to the owner, she decides to wait a while- I'll go after a smoke and a few sips of beer she says.With a little alcohol in their systems they start with their insane, seemingly pointless discussions that could be marked as pseudo- intellectual and dumb at the same time(to be noted that its not the alcohol, that makes them talk like they do- its the same when they are sober). Nerdorina having had a few sips of beer - guided by her urge to smoke rummages through her bag for smokes and matches. She finds her smokes easily enough - sarcastica would be worried if she didn't find them ( nerdorina gets real nasty and cranky without her smokes and sarcastica can't handle her then). Nerdorina's face morphs and she continues frantically digging up the contents of her bag - and out on the table is a RUSHDIE novel! "Where the fuck is my lighter?" she screams in sheer desperation. A waiter jumps to the rescue of our damsel in distress- he offers her a light and all is well or so it seemed. Sarcastica saw the RUSHDIE novel and was dying to start with her snide, cheeky remarks and was shutting up because she didn't want to piss off Nerdorina when she was not functioning like a chimney spewing out smoke.
Sarcastica : novel huh?
nerdorina : yeah thought I'd get to read a bit if i got bored.
S: wow! you can actually read novels in pub, they are so well lit up and not too different from libraries! Right on sister! The loud music and noise - excellent ambience to read for sure!
n: I knew I’d get bored with YOU!!!
S: NERD! Hmpf!
(Silence, well if u don't count the classic rock in the background and over thirty people yelling all around them, both of them gulp down beer to drown out the relative silence at their table)
Right now its very essential to mention that Nerdorina and Sarcastica share a love- hate relationship- they make take each others cases but at the end of the day things work out so them. So Sarcastica starts babling along again (yeah she just can't shut up- she can go on and on and on)"hey guess what am checking out your TP - wala" she said mockingly, but it was HIM that they were talking about to nerdorina cheered up and said tell me more... so sarcastic obliged n described his every move on the bar stool and at the end when he went out of sight she remarked " hmm, not bad, really not bad, he is kinda cute". Nerdorina dreamily lost in some parallel universe says “oh! Yes he is.. " Sarcastica shook her out of reverie by saying " You know a guy like that wont be on the market for long, am sure he has a girlfriend or is gay or something".
More angry looks are thrown around there is another spell of silence.Some 20-20 world cup match was going on and hence started their next discussion
Sarcatica : is cricket bourgeois or proletariat?
Nerdorina : that will depend on many things like say the country... interesting question...

S : (trying to look at her reflection in the beer) do you suppose its the same with beer? i mean is it bourgeois? Everything changes when we talk about India....And a long insane conversation followed where the world was divided into bourgeois and proletariat etc.)

The end!

UNINVITED BLUES.

uninvited blues waltz
back into my life!
the meadows of my cheeks
glazed with rain,
for both the eyes
conspired to flood!
the blues don't have a
name, face or purpose-
blues for blues sake,
i suppose!

soon pretentious morning
will be here,
we will wear
our smiles on again
like we do every day!
last night will be a-
secret between
the tear flavoured pillow
and my non- existent sandman.

love,
aditi

( more late night poetry, i know its crap why the hell did i post it?)

B.L.T : before literary thoery!

Looking back at the ignorant times when I thought.....

Foucault sounded like a pole vault!

Northrop Fry was a variety of exotic bacon!

Nietzsche was some atheist dude!

Marx was just a commie!

And pronounced Descartes as desecrates ( read as it is spelled)
or even des- cartes and not de- cart! ( that totally killed a joke)

n recently the indianisation of Ferdinand Saussure which was phardi - nand - lal sasuri! lol and this was before the literary theory paper!

bourgeois was pronounced as it was spelled!!!

Its all changed now!!!!!!!!

life will never be the same again!

p.s : Meera said that bloggers are bad people! (phew! took out the last name cause it was showin up on google)

Sisters!

amrita : why are you being nice to me?

me : m goin soft! n i think i shd be nice to u... tryin to end the 20 yrs of animosity n mistrust! u hv a prob wid me being nice to u? u wnt me to be the bitchy mean elder sis again? ur call....

neways m tryin to mk up 4 things ... n it may include shoppin! provided u get ur ass here...

( comments on if i will be sucessful... she sure as hell dsnt believe me!)

(blogged this coz i want to admit that i have been a bad sis n m trying to make amends)

When the worlds going crazy!

Internals are going on and everyone is seriously losing it!

here are some random funny things that people said :

(they probably wont make any sense but here they are...)


kama:am dying, suffocating, rolling down on the floor bleeding coz i lost my mental hymen ( after reading my e- mail)

palla:BITCH, you can avoid me as much as you can but i`l still take your baby. i`l hunt you down for that! (this was a SMS)

and someone finds a limp sexy!(yummy m getting there to see the sexy limp!) ;) :P ( i blogged it :P)

PARTY (organised chaos)

Its there waiting-
To be found or to be hidden,
Morphing in and out-
Through The realms of conscious and sub- conscious.
Chaos has an order to it,
It’s organised into a code-
That mocks us,
For the key was always around.
Beginning? End? Neither?
Has the party started or did it just get over…..
Were you invited?
Were you the party?
When meaning and sense-
Vapourise, all that remains are
Fast moving images,
That’s life-
Fast finishing ice- cream,
Emptying itself into chasms-
The products of depression
And fate's misadventure?
Lone candles wastefully burnt,
Sitting by disillusioned,
Eternal romantics-
Endlessly sipping reluctant gulps of wine,
To skew – the REAL.

love,

aditi.

p.s : something i wrote at one in the night... dont know if it will make sense in the morning.

Weird messages (SMS) from lali :P

SMS 1 : at d o.c. come after yr lib wrk is done..

SMS 2: LIB! u'r ignitin bras !!!

(I think i know what it meant, but can anyone guess? interpretations in the comments section people. Well this should be fun!!!!!!!!!!)

The Paradigm of Art: Realism and pretextual Marxism

1. Contexts of stasis
In the works of Fellini, a predominant concept is the concept of neoconceptual truth. Debord promotes the use of pretextual Marxism to deconstruct the status quo. But cultural libertarianism suggests that class, surprisingly, has objective value.
“Narrativity is intrinsically responsible for sexism,” says Lacan; however, according to la Tournier[1] , it is not so much narrativity that is intrinsically responsible for sexism, but rather the rubicon, and some would say the meaninglessness, of narrativity. In Virtual Light, Gibson affirms realism; in Idoru he deconstructs submodernist discourse. Thus, if realism holds, we have to choose between pretextual Marxism and cultural Marxism.
If one examines submodernist discourse, one is faced with a choice: either accept postpatriarchialist narrative or conclude that reality comes from the collective unconscious. Werther[2] implies that the works of Gibson are postmodern. In a sense, Marx suggests the use of pretextual Marxism to analyse and read sexual identity.
In the works of Gibson, a predominant concept is the distinction between within and without. The characteristic theme of McElwaine’s[3] model of realism is the role of the writer as reader. However, Derrida uses the term ‘dialectic construction’ to denote the common ground between reality and society.
The primary theme of the works of Stone is not narrative, as realism suggests, but neonarrative. The subject is contextualised into a pretextual Marxism that includes culture as a whole. But if realism holds, we have to choose between Debordist image and subcultural capitalist theory.
In the works of Stone, a predominant concept is the concept of pretextual reality. Baudrillard’s essay on realism states that the significance of the participant is significant form, given that the premise of dialectic socialism is invalid. It could be said that the main theme of Bailey’s[4] analysis of pretextual Marxism is the difference between sexual identity and narrativity.
“Class is elitist,” says Lacan; however, according to Cameron[5] , it is not so much class that is elitist, but rather the collapse, and therefore the paradigm, of class. The subject is interpolated into a posttextual Marxism that includes language as a paradox. Therefore, Sontag uses the term ‘realism’ to denote the role of the observer as writer.
The subject is contextualised into a submodernist discourse that includes consciousness as a totality. It could be said that Brophy[6] suggests that we have to choose between realism and the capitalist paradigm of narrative.
In The Last Words of Dutch Schultz, Burroughs affirms neodialectic narrative; in Naked Lunch, although, he reiterates submodernist discourse. In a sense, the subject is interpolated into a deconstructive paradigm of reality that includes language as a reality.
Realism states that culture serves to marginalize minorities. Therefore, the characteristic theme of the works of Burroughs is the common ground between sexual identity and class.
If submodernist discourse holds, we have to choose between presemioticist libertarianism and textual dematerialism. However, Debord promotes the use of submodernist discourse to attack class divisions.
The primary theme of Wilson’s[7] essay on the neocapitalist paradigm of discourse is a self-fulfilling whole. Thus, Marx uses the term ‘realism’ to denote the futility, and eventually the failure, of dialectic truth.
The destruction/creation distinction intrinsic to Burroughs’s Junky is also evident in The Last Words of Dutch Schultz, although in a more mythopoetical sense. It could be said that Bataille uses the term ’submodernist discourse’ to denote not narrative, but postnarrative.
The premise of realism suggests that government is part of the stasis of consciousness. But Dahmus[8] implies that we have to choose between pretextual Marxism and dialectic constructivism.
Derrida suggests the use of realism to challenge class. However, the main theme of the works of Burroughs is the role of the reader as observer.
Lacan uses the term ’submodernist discourse’ to denote the difference between sexual identity and society. It could be said that Derridaist reading states that the goal of the writer is social comment.
2. Burroughs and pretextual Marxism
“Sexual identity is unattainable,” says Debord. If postdeconstructivist narrative holds, the works of Burroughs are not postmodern. In a sense, an abundance of deappropriations concerning the role of the poet as observer exist.
The characteristic theme of la Fournier’s[9] analysis of submodernist discourse is the bridge between art and class. The subject is contextualised into a pretextual Marxism that includes language as a totality. But Long[10] implies that we have to choose between subcultural narrative and Sontagist camp.
If one examines pretextual Marxism, one is faced with a choice: either reject submodernist discourse or conclude that society has significance, given that reality is interchangeable with consciousness. Several materialisms concerning pretextual Marxism may be found. Therefore, if capitalist postcultural theory holds, we have to choose between pretextual Marxism and dialectic capitalism.
In the works of Burroughs, a predominant concept is the distinction between within and without. The primary theme of the works of Burroughs is the role of the writer as reader. It could be said that Marx’s critique of realism states that sexuality may be used to reinforce sexism.
If one examines submodernist discourse, one is faced with a choice: either accept realism or conclude that sexual identity, somewhat paradoxically, has objective value. The example of predeconstructive desublimation prevalent in Burroughs’s The Ticket that Exploded emerges again in Port of Saints. Therefore, a number of situationisms concerning not narrative, but postnarrative exist.
D’Erlette[11] suggests that the works of Burroughs are modernistic. It could be said that Sartre uses the term ‘realism’ to denote the rubicon, and hence the genre, of cultural narrativity.
The subject is interpolated into a submodernist discourse that includes culture as a whole. Thus, Derrida uses the term ‘realism’ to denote the difference between society and class.
In Queer, Burroughs examines submodernist discourse; in Port of Saints, however, he deconstructs pretextual Marxism. Therefore, the subject is contextualised into a Baudrillardist simulacra that includes reality as a reality.
The premise of pretextual Marxism states that the purpose of the observer is significant form. Thus, the subject is interpolated into a submodernist discourse that includes culture as a whole.
Realism holds that reality is created by the masses, but only if Derrida’s model of postmodern capitalism is valid; otherwise, Bataille’s model of submodernist discourse is one of “Lyotardist narrative”, and thus fundamentally dead. But the subject is contextualised into a realism that includes reality as a paradox.
Foucault promotes the use of cultural socialism to attack capitalism. Thus, if pretextual Marxism holds, we have to choose between Sontagist camp and preconstructivist dematerialism.
3. Narratives of fatal flaw
“Sexual identity is used in the service of class divisions,” says Foucault. Many situationisms concerning pretextual Marxism may be discovered. It could be said that the subject is interpolated into a submodernist discourse that includes culture as a totality.
The main theme of Buxton’s[12] critique of realism is a self-justifying whole. The paradigm, and eventually the futility, of the textual paradigm of context which is a central theme of Spelling’s Melrose Place is also evident in Robin’s Hoods, although in a more mythopoetical sense. Therefore, several theories concerning the role of the writer as observer exist.
“Class is part of the rubicon of consciousness,” says Lyotard. Submodernist discourse states that culture is intrinsically responsible for sexism. It could be said that Bataille suggests the use of neomaterialist narrative to modify and read reality.
Foucault uses the term ‘pretextual Marxism’ to denote a deconstructive totality. Therefore, the subject is contextualised into a Sontagist camp that includes art as a reality.
Brophy[13] suggests that we have to choose between realism and the precapitalist paradigm of reality. Thus, the subject is interpolated into a structural neomodernist theory that includes reality as a whole.
The primary theme of the works of Spelling is not, in fact, discourse, but prediscourse. But Lacan uses the term ‘pretextual Marxism’ to denote a self-fulfilling totality.
If dialectic desublimation holds, we have to choose between realism and neoconceptualist socialism. It could be said that the premise of pretextual Marxism holds that the State is capable of significance.
4. Spelling and submodernist discourse
“Sexual identity is part of the paradigm of truth,” says Debord; however, according to Prinn[14] , it is not so much sexual identity that is part of the paradigm of truth, but rather the dialectic of sexual identity. The subject is contextualised into a realism that includes sexuality as a paradox. In a sense, many materialisms concerning submodernist discourse may be found.
Baudrillard’s analysis of realism states that art is impossible. But Reicher[15] suggests that the works of Spelling are postmodern.
Sontag promotes the use of pretextual Marxism to challenge the status quo. It could be said that the main theme of Porter’s[16] essay on realism is the defining characteristic, and therefore the meaninglessness, of predeconstructivist society.
The subject is interpolated into a submodernist discourse that includes truth as a whole. In a sense, the primary theme of the works of Madonna is the role of the reader as writer.

1. la Tournier, Q. P. F. ed. (1998) Realism in the works of Gibson. Harvard University Press
2. Werther, A. E. (1971) The Forgotten Key: Pretextual Marxism and realism. University of Illinois Press
3. McElwaine, P. B. S. ed. (1984) Realism in the works of Stone. And/Or Press
4. Bailey, R. C. (1973) Deconstructing Expressionism: Realism and pretextual Marxism. University of North Carolina Press
5. Cameron, S. ed. (1991) Pretextual Marxism and realism. O’Reilly & Associates
6. Brophy, L. M. (1983) The Iron Fruit: Realism in the works of Burroughs. And/Or Press
7. Wilson, R. ed. (1974) Realism in the works of Gibson. Loompanics
8. Dahmus, F. N. (1991) The Expression of Dialectic: Nihilism, realism and premodern desituationism. Panic Button Books
9. la Fournier, D. ed. (1988) Realism and pretextual Marxism. Oxford University Press
10. Long, G. A. O. (1976) Deconstructing Debord: Realism in the works of Mapplethorpe. University of Michigan Press
11. d’Erlette, Z. B. ed. (1980) Pretextual Marxism and realism. Schlangekraft
12. Buxton, V. (1975) The Circular Door: Realism in the works of Spelling. Loompanics
13. Brophy, S. D. ed. (1989) Realism and pretextual Marxism. University of North Carolina Press
14. Prinn, E. (1992) Reassessing Socialist realism: Pretextual Marxism and realism. Cambridge University Press
15. Reicher, J. R. M. ed. (1987) Realism and pretextual Marxism. And/Or Press
16. Porter, S. (1992) The Vermillion Key: Realism in the works of Madonna. University of Michigan Press

nb: this is a hoax if you think i wrote this you must be freaking kidding me lol. this essay has been randomnly generated by the postmoderngenerator . All the sentences are grammatically correct and all the references are true. but its all crap and bullshit, it dsnt make any sense.

A Day for rants.....

Got up from the wrong side of the bed? I don't think so.... Just a fact that few days are more fucked up than the others and the worst part is that YOU did not have anything to do with it. A few hours into the day and it already sucks and i have worked up a mad rage and am totally taking it out on my hapless keyboard.

I get up earlier than usual, get ready, do every freaking thing that am supposed to do and then the first signs of trouble my face is oily. First thing first I freaking don't care how I fucking look but, hello, no ones likes feeling like a freaking frying pan. No thanks to the freak weather in Pune that has everything to do with this... its suppose to rain but its freaking hot and humid. Of all days today was the day my skin choose to be what it was ten years ago... am not a teenager any more please spare me this shit, i thought i was done with my skin being oily and pimply. I have washed my face 5 times in the last 4 hours, 3 times with soap and two times with facewash. I was so annoyed i even eyed the the damn detergent soap maybe that will help... i just freaking didnt care... i just wanted my face to go back to normal. Here is a thought the fucking oil crisis in the world will be solved if they drill the pores on my face.

The day had to go on so i step out with extremely vulnerable skin that was enticing all the pollution in the city to come and take a hike on my face. What the fuck call it the natural bronzer effect all thanks to the pollution, dirt and dust in pune. I go to the bus stop and there is no freaking bus, hello, do the fuckers realise that people depend on their buses for transportation and to get to school/work/ college on time? I wait for over an hour and still no bus. In the meanwhile notice the assholes around me both men and women whose sole timepass at the bus stop is sprinkling red fountains of pan and mucous and other disgusting stuff on to the road or on the person standing next to them, who cares its a fucking free country afterall, you can urinate, spit anywhere, on anyone and on anyhow you fucking please. Freedom is a good thing they say and am also free to go punch / slap any of those retards... i had half a mind to do that as someones spit fountain missed me by inches.

And then there was a bus, too bad it was not my bus, I had to make way for the mob that would trample anything in their sight, just to get a place on the fucking pile of nuts and bolts that could break down any minute. All the men got ahead and then there was this one lady who got in with men and some bastard pushed her off the moving bus, a few people did go ahead to help her but the pan spitting athletes most of them women who were standing there began to laugh. Wow! Such a delight for them to see a nicely dressed lady fall! I looked at them and swore, thankfully in english.

The next highlight of my day was when my bus did arrive after about an hour and it did not stop and went to the extreme end of the bus stop. There was no place to get in when i got to the bus and the conductor is like why dont you take the next bus. So I march back to the bustop and ask the guy what time the next bus is at and he is like 11.10 or something, great just great , i will reach just in time for the lunch break at college. I completely loose it and let out a string of swear words in hindi, but since I`ve grown up in the south, my swear words amuse more than they offend. So i give that up and switch back to my language of choice and swear in english. I fucking dont care if the morons did'nt get a word coming out of my mouth. Thank you so much PMT/PCMT for fucking up my day and ensuring that punctuality is no longer a virtue in this town. Thanks to all the morons who have made my blood boil, please hope and pray that you dont cross paths with me today!

P.S : I FUCKING DONT CARE IF THERE ARE ANY TYPOS OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS , if you find any please tell me when I cool down and that may take some time. IF YOU THINK I HAVE BEEN POLITICALLY INCORRECT OR SHIT I DONT GIVE A RATS ASS, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF.

Back to the university!

Well my plans to post something about the first year of the university are indefinately put on hold. The post in question has run into too many pages and is too personal. I tried editing it but i cant bear to leave anything out. One thing is for sure, the life's of my friends and me are any day more interesting than everyday soaps. This is real life being more eventfull than reel life. At the moment, I will start writing about RIGHT NOW and the past will be visited when necessary through flashbacks. Also henceforth, I will blog any stray thought that wanders through my head, if I think that is...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here are a few bits from the last few days.....

1st day of class for the m.a (part2)

anonymous student: sir all options look interesting cant make up my mind. how many extra credits can we take?

A J (H.O.D) : THAT DEPENDS ON YOUR DEGREE OF COMFORT WITH RESPECT TO YOUR DEGREE OF REALISM!

most of the class: ROFL

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hilarious tip: toothpaste and fairness creams make hickeys / love bites disappear......
me : ROFL
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------



a few days later.....

NRI : oooooooooo! whats that on your neck?
me : what you guys looking at?
NRI: look at X's neck.....
me: oooooooooo!
X: thats just an allergic reaction..........
me: to what?
X: hmmmm....... well..... hmmm ...... ant bite.......
NRI: must have been a real big ant.... damn they have big ants in india we should all watch out...
X: well..... ummmm.... no actually it was an allergic reaction to lux honey soap.....
me: but why only on your neck?
NRI : maybe the ant bit X where he applied lux honey soap and that caused an allergic reaction

me : or maybe the ant bit you on your neck and there was an allergic reaction when you used the soap
NRI: yea X was is that? :P
me : hey NRI dsnt that bite look more like an homo- sapien one...... lol
X: hmmmm.......
me: you ran out of toothpaste? :P
all of us : ROFL (through out the conversation.... well more of a leg pulling session)
( incidentally the hickey removal tip was Xs..... n NRI is not actually an NRI... thats just our little joke.... see guys i didn't reveal yours names.... so am not that much of a bitch!)
(TO EVERYONE ELSE READING THIS THE ABOVE MENTIONED INCIDENT IS PURELY FICTITIOUS AND ANY RESEMBLANCE...... U GET THE DRIFT RIGHT? :p LOL)
------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------

Lately I have been reading many blogs and encouraging/ forcing people to start blogs. I also dont spare people who have blogs, have been pestering them to post, so I have some reading material. The recent converts include tanvi , my sisters friend, so do encourage her and pester her to post more often. Also joining the blogging bandwagon is Nedine, she just about statred a few days back and she already has more posts than me. She is talented do check out her blog!

To see my friends and family caught doing stupid/ embarrassing things, see my new photo blog .

love,

aditi.

Breakfast in BED?

i was just wondering... well does any one find breakfast in bed romantic?
i mean, if its breakfast in bed... it means u dont brush... yuck!

excuses!

I am feeling lazy, very lazy. so dont believe any excuses i make. its high time i updated my blog. i am bored,lost and feeling uninsipred. my muses have deserted me :(
feel free to leave some threatening comments, may be that will compell me to write something. :(.

p.s : i hate people looking over my shoulder.


aditi.

LAST SUMMER, in retrospect.....

Well this post is all about the last summer. But first I have to apologise to everyone for i had promised to post ages ago! I have been too busy wasting my time on things that are just not worth it. It’s not an excuse but I surely would like to spare everyone the trashy chick lit genre that all my pieces have morphed into recently. (Yeah! I have been writing more than usual for sure.) The reason is pretty obvious from the earlier posts and it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. So in the process of loading up on comfort foods, ice cream et all by the ton and crying, worrying and wishing that all my problems drown in certain substances, i stopped and remembered the very eventful last year.

Last may, i had the time of my life. The fact that we were done with graduation was just setting in and it was a time where confusion and mayhem rained supreme. There was no escaping the fact that we were adults now and had to make serious choices about our careers. It also meant that we had hit a fork in the road and all of us were on different paths and our time together had run out. So the whole month was made- up of goodbyes, farewell parties, promises made to one and other and many a silly pacts. A few fights and bruised egos, misunderstandings created etc. lead to a cold war and broke up a great friendship. (If the two people am talking about are reading this please understand that you guys were best friends and i still keep wondering how you can’t stand each other right now.)We will never have those days back and the biyatch sisterhood has now been replaced by the UBgroup( united bevdas/bevdis).One thing i can say for sure the speck-O-meter had its swan song that summer. (Speck-O-meter: a device created for a little girl who liked any boy with specks or glasses, so every time a suitable specimen walked by, the human powered device would start going "speck, speck, speck" in very high pitched alarming tone so as to draw her attention and so that she would do the needful i.e. check out the approaching specimen.)

It was also a summer that i dumped my cynicism and skepticism regarding a few things that I had given up on a long time ago. It was like free falling, there was nothing I could control and i knew deep down that I would never feel this way or experience the head rush that I got from that free fall. It was an once in a lifetime experience that cannot be replicated and will be locked up for ever in chest of memories in my head. But like all falls it was a crash and burn in the end and it has left with a few injuries permanent injuries and has given birth to the new and improved "cynical and skeptical me”. All thanks to that i snap more often, am ruder than usual and have definitely have the making of a legendary bitch and psycho all wrapped into one. (Oh! yeah you don't want to fuck with me! and see i already have a bright future in this department.) In retrospect, i felt and did the things that i thought, I never could experience and do in this lifetime and will cherish these memories painful as they are when am older, lonely and bitter.

It was summer of sleepless nights spent on the phone courtesy airtels ten paise calling and hours were spent exchanging sweet nothings, talking about life, love and philosophies in dealing with both and hours that were spent on this felt like minutes and the sun always rose too soon and we were forced too end our conversation. Crazy, insane things like dates like a coffee date at two in the night which I missed because I was too drunk and midnight rendezvous. It was like living dreams in motion and the lines between real life and fantasy jarred. It was good while it lasted and I can say this much I will never have this again, but some things are just that "too good to be true". And then the bubble bursts and your instantly attacked by the sharp, hostile winds of reality that swallow you up and the comfort and closeness of the bubble is lost forever.

May be I was a fool to fall head over heels into a state from which I knew I could never recover. And I was stupid to believe that the other person felt the same way.... but i guess, I'll never be able to differentiate fact from fiction now and there and too many lies clouding up what I believed then. And as the concerned person chooses not to clarify anything, am at a total loss and the only thing that meant anything to me seems be a figment of my imagination. But even if it was lie, it seemed real to me then and maybe ignorance is bliss for i have never known anything like that. What seemed like a concrete structure then now seems like a castle in air, a mirage blown away by the sands of time and erased by the cruel hand of fate.

Moving on from this sad story we have the next good thing that happen to me - the university. Before that of course there was the endless wait for our results and then the wait for our first classes at the post graduation level to begin. Life turned into one big waiting room and there was a lot of TP happening in the process. The results keeping up with Pune university tradition were late so it involved a lot of running around and doing nothing and just whiling our time away in savera. Savera is a restaurant frequented by fergussonians(am talking about the college and not that black eyed peas chick that all guys drool over or that loser coach of manchester united or his fans or whatever.)This place has the weirdest networking I have seen in a while- the system of smoke buddies! In the smoking section at savera or the outdoor section, everyone knows everyone - united by one cause - supporting the tobacco economy in the country. So all types of discussions take place here ranging from intellectual (duh what the hell are they talking about?)to pseudo-intellectual(fine so I see your using your Internet whore wikepedia and trying to fool other people in believing your an intellectual) to the your regular chirpy air headed bimbette(duh this expression suffices)who can do anything from flirting with some committed guy or discussing to discussing clothes or bags or shoes (yeah she comes close to the your regular yuppie but these will be found down the road at CCD or barista) another way to spot this variety is to observe their conversations they will generally start with a high pitched shrill "oh my god, you know what happen...".

Savera also has your share of bored people like me who will do anything for some entertainment, even make friends fight, after all desperate times (of boredom) call for desperate measures! This particular incident will sum up the whole mood of savera, this time i was the guinea pig. My friend and I have been known to have the worst of fights it can be a communism vs. capitalism or perhaps the debates on vegan ism etc. and things generally turn nasty in the heat of the debate. So there is this guy who all of a sudden looks at us like were clowns in a circus and says "fight". And we were like "what the fuck dude?" and he is like starts a mock imitation of "fuck you bitch" no fuck you bitch" and the word fuck being used like it was a punctuation mark. (Yeah! classic case of getting a taste of your own medicine.)

Also the way we used to mock people who didn't want to be caught smoking in such a public place. The joke was about how such a person, who was desperate for a smoke steal a few drags. Step one borrow a friends cigarette, step two stick your head under the table and take a drag and the last step go under the table and BLOW! And hence the blow jobs under the table pun totally intended! Its not sounding all that funny now but the routine did ensure us laughing till out tummies began to hurt.

And that was how the last summer was spent or wasted perhaps, it is totally perceptive. After that the university started and the university is another post, another day, which will be a continuation of this post. Hence if you wondering why the flashbacks, then I have just one thing to say "to know where you are going, you need to know where you have been".

LOVE,

Aditi.

LESSON LEARNT, EXPERIENCE GAINED...

Don’t you just hate it when people have a power over you? When the decisions they take or don’t take affect your life. And you are left alone to pick up the pieces and bear the consequences of their action or non – action. I know it’s not a fair world but sometimes you just wish things were different. What someone did or rather did not do, did have a lasting impact on me, it opened up a scar that had healed but now the scar is beyond remedy. I will have to live with this open wound all my life. This will involve many lifestyle changes which will include saying goodbye to a part of me.

I have to take some blame too, I did trust the person implicitly, and I am responsible for giving people the power to hurt me. In the end it’s you who have been hurt and you’re all alone in this. It’s stupid to have expectations of anyone. No one will understand what you’re going through, worst of all, the person who you trusted and who ended up hurting you, will have no idea or just wont care about you. That’s how life is…

As mentioned earlier, have no expectations from anyone. Whoever said man is a social animal is wrong. At the end of the day you’re all alone and there’s no one with you. The sooner you accept this, the better it is for you. Learn to be independent emotionally and financially. Break the dependency cycle, make all your decisions yourself and don’t let any one have any power over you. Break free from the vicious dependency cycle, it makes you feel secure, but some day some threads are bound to be broken and your left hanging. Clutching on to the shreds, you realize that you’re going nowhere and you’re stuck in a moment that’s long gone by. Letting go will surely hurt and the fall may destroy you. But it’s up to you to rebuild yourself and know what freedom and independence really are by not getting caught up in new knots.

Finally it’s your decisions and choices that make you who you are and you can make what you want of your life. But make sure it’s your call at the end of the day and not someone else taking a decision for you. Trust your instincts and your experience when you’re dealing with things. When you ask someone or consult someone on a dicey problem you are giving away a part of your life and in turn letting them have a power over you. It’s better to control the course of your life yourself, other than handing over the reins to someone else. If things fall apart it is better that you assume responsibility and deal with it. Its just pointless scurrying around to find people who are responsible and expect them to assume responsibility that just won’t happen. It’s your life, with the emphasis on YOUR and what you do is for you and for no one else. Love your life and remember no one can impose any limits on you but you! To sum it all up I’d like to quote Ayn Rand from ATLAS SHRUGGED -
"I swear by my life and my love of it, I will never live my life for the sake of another man nor will I ask another man to live for the sake of mine"

LOVE,
ADITI

SONNET IN RHYME AND PENTAMETER - UNTITLED

Acid green, unseen, sat brooding in the dark.
Distant scream, a bad dream, back to haunt me
On the bed, thing in my head, shows a mark
Of its presence for one and all to see

Face of a frog, breath of a deadly dog
Its ugly head bends down to force a kiss
Licking my face, falls flatly like a log
On the floor, and sheds its skin with a hiss

With power of an ox, roughness of a rock
It slithers in, eating my body raw
Not yet done it feeds like a hungry hawk
Its deed dead but will come again to gnaw

I lay low in bed, a wilting flower bud.
Next time,It will be chewing me like cud.

HEY THIS IS SOMETHING I WROTE LAST SEMESTER, FEEL FREE TO INTERPRET IT!

Love,

aditi

P.S : any suggestions for a title?

A NEW DAY .......... A NEW START!

Some days just seem different and today was one of them. I got up with a stupid smile on my face. I felt weirdly optimistic of the day ahead. None of the issues that tormented me had been solved, still i felt lighter. The demons of pessimism were banished and i was rearing to go, unleash myself on the world.

I`ll admit it am happy after a long time and feel i can take on any one today. I was also eager to attend my lectures today!( which is strange because i usually am least bit interested!). So for a change i reached the university half an hour before my class. I walked or waltzed around, under a faded blue sky. Rays of sunshine danced with me as they fell through the bare trees. My best friend my I-pod also accompanied me, singing to me and pepping me up! A perfect time to bid adieu to the blues forever (if i can help it).

Class was really interesting and i was all ears, we started off with the distinction between the author and narrator of a work and moved on to talk about why literature is created or how it is conceived. Then we moved on to the basic question as to why people write, personal diaries were cited as examples.We also discussed if writing or any other art is inherent or a skill that has to be acquired, this got my attention for it was nice to hear every ones opinion. The class rolled on for two hours but i didn`t want to leave. It was nice to see a class come alive amidst the debate and hats off to meera for forcing us wrack our brains and think about the things that we take for granted.

After class we all headed to the o.c. There we became the unlikely specimens for a psychology dissertation. We were handed out questionnaires and asked to fill them. They were questions about how we perceive ourselves etc. I don't take any thing seriously so i breezed through all the questions. But it made other people think too much and supi faced her own existential crisis! lol!

So to round off the day, it was a rare occasion when the blue Danube flowed through the university. and yes before i forget the roads of the university witnessed an apparition today! a two headed monster, who was bawling songs of bob marley and gurgling out bohemian rhapsody.

It doesn`t make sense, just let be...........
hello sunshine, goodbye ______

P.S A special thank you to all my friends who bear me, who have talked to me when i was down, have been there for me and are of more help than they realise......... i know this is going to sound cliched but to hell with that am happy today.......... you guys rock!

cheers and love,
aditi
(I`M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

An autopsy - before death

Well don't be surprised by the title I am not tearing open any living being (even though i am kind of psycho and people assume that I get some sadistic pleasure out doing just that) oops sorry for digressing, this post is about the autopsy of my i-tunes folder called 25 most played songs.......... I looked through before resetting the song count on that list and my oh my the number of skeletons in my closet........

The results were surprising indeed and left me little red in the face. The music you listen to is like the pulse of your life as it stands. For am sure no one can be forced to listen to stuff they hate! ( on your i-pod at least). So without saying another word lets start with the dissection. Lets take it from the top!

.......... and the (dis)honour list goes as follows *drum roll* -
coming in at no.1 we have take that`s "back for good" being played just over 54 times in the last month.......... my problem with that song, well its a boy band song and take that started the whole trend, need i say more. and if by chance your wondering why the hell i was putting up with it in the first place i have my reasons and if your curious to know you can keep guessing. But it will be obvious to any one whose heard this song. and yeah am not confirming anything. *phew*

The next song on the list , well its not a mainstream track, it was Alice in chains` down in a hole........... now that's very cheerful now isn`t it? I surely don't recommend this song to anyone who is down and low. At no. 3 we have van halen with CANT STOP LOVING YOU , I think just the title is gives away a lot..... Moving on at no. 4 we have something that no one would expect on my i-pod, but its makes an appearance on my the most played list........ a Hindi song, bheegi bheegi from gangster, my excuse, well what can i say, that will give away more than i want to....... so lets just leave it at that,I can this, the track reminded me of a time gone by, a time i`ve been trying 2 erase, but the play count paints another picture and points to my failure at doing just that..... At no.5 we have one of my all time favourites and its a pity that it didn`t claim a higher spot, 4 non blondes - what`s up, am sure i`ve sung it out loud every time time that it was played and if the noise pollution levels in pune have increased over the duration of the last month you know whom to blame....... next up we have Joe satriani piece called always with me..... hmmmm........
Air supply sits pretty at no. 7 with ` "am all out of love" , now can you see a pattern emerging here.......... At 8,we have greenday breaking the sequence with, i know what your thinking but its not boulvd of broken dreams, the track is TIME OF YOUR LIFE, its a farewell song and i am sure tops every ones list at the end of college etc. that's the reason why it doesn't quite fit in, i still have a little over a year before i say goodbye to anyone. At 9, its led zepplin with Dyer maker..... and if you have heard this song.......... you will know...... who it conforms to its society - the play list. At no. 10 we have another one that conforms, bryan adams` Please forgive me, i think the song says it all!
No.11 is blind melon with NO RAIN, nice easy listening and doesn't make me look like a love sick puppy, so your always welcome on this list! Mr. Big is next with BE WITH YOU , well what did you expect? Queen with BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY is at no. 13, yup n love 2 scream out the bismillah let me go part...... Next up its counting crows` BIG YELLOW TAXI, its so true you dont know what you`ve got till its gone! that's the soul of the song. 15 has pink folyd making an appearance with not the usual suspects but a track called TWO SUNS IN THE SUNSET, now that's peculiar i would have expected comfortably numb or wish you were here or may be even coming back to life! Queen again at no. 16 with I WANT TO BREAK FREE, an all time fav again! 17 ACDC`S HIGHWAY TO HELL, that's surely where am going if my i-tunes folder is an oracle. i cant quite believe no. 18 its MLTR`S SLEEPING CHILD, am convinced that some little imps have been borrowing my i-pod. 19 is guns n roses with PATIENCE, man things would have been a lot better if i had some patience! rounding up the top 20 is james blunt with of course YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and who doesn't like someone saying that to them. Jokes apart what i get from this song in spite of it being termed as pop is the joy from momentary pleasures and how they can lighten up the rest of your life ( may be i can dedicate an entire post to this!)
No. 21 n 22 have phantom planet with lonely day and California respectively, both are tributes, the former to my life and the latter to the O.C, wonder if i wud`ve heard this song if it wasn't for the series. 23 has queen with david bowie doing "under pressure", pressure sure everyone has it hanging on their heads these days! the penultimate song on the list is MR. BRIGHT SIDE by the killers, this track has this kind of an energy that i simply adore! rounding up the list we have maroon 5 with THIS LOVE..., this was totally expected!
So now the final analysis at the end of the post-mortem, its quite obvious now isn't it? am not going to spell it out and confirm any ones doubts or guesses. period!

P.S- next time you want to decipher some ones life dissect their i- tunes 25 most played folder! what you listen to says a lot about what your going through!

so am signing out now.
love,
ADITI.