LESSON LEARNT, EXPERIENCE GAINED...

Don’t you just hate it when people have a power over you? When the decisions they take or don’t take affect your life. And you are left alone to pick up the pieces and bear the consequences of their action or non – action. I know it’s not a fair world but sometimes you just wish things were different. What someone did or rather did not do, did have a lasting impact on me, it opened up a scar that had healed but now the scar is beyond remedy. I will have to live with this open wound all my life. This will involve many lifestyle changes which will include saying goodbye to a part of me.

I have to take some blame too, I did trust the person implicitly, and I am responsible for giving people the power to hurt me. In the end it’s you who have been hurt and you’re all alone in this. It’s stupid to have expectations of anyone. No one will understand what you’re going through, worst of all, the person who you trusted and who ended up hurting you, will have no idea or just wont care about you. That’s how life is…

As mentioned earlier, have no expectations from anyone. Whoever said man is a social animal is wrong. At the end of the day you’re all alone and there’s no one with you. The sooner you accept this, the better it is for you. Learn to be independent emotionally and financially. Break the dependency cycle, make all your decisions yourself and don’t let any one have any power over you. Break free from the vicious dependency cycle, it makes you feel secure, but some day some threads are bound to be broken and your left hanging. Clutching on to the shreds, you realize that you’re going nowhere and you’re stuck in a moment that’s long gone by. Letting go will surely hurt and the fall may destroy you. But it’s up to you to rebuild yourself and know what freedom and independence really are by not getting caught up in new knots.

Finally it’s your decisions and choices that make you who you are and you can make what you want of your life. But make sure it’s your call at the end of the day and not someone else taking a decision for you. Trust your instincts and your experience when you’re dealing with things. When you ask someone or consult someone on a dicey problem you are giving away a part of your life and in turn letting them have a power over you. It’s better to control the course of your life yourself, other than handing over the reins to someone else. If things fall apart it is better that you assume responsibility and deal with it. Its just pointless scurrying around to find people who are responsible and expect them to assume responsibility that just won’t happen. It’s your life, with the emphasis on YOUR and what you do is for you and for no one else. Love your life and remember no one can impose any limits on you but you! To sum it all up I’d like to quote Ayn Rand from ATLAS SHRUGGED -
"I swear by my life and my love of it, I will never live my life for the sake of another man nor will I ask another man to live for the sake of mine"

LOVE,
ADITI

SONNET IN RHYME AND PENTAMETER - UNTITLED

Acid green, unseen, sat brooding in the dark.
Distant scream, a bad dream, back to haunt me
On the bed, thing in my head, shows a mark
Of its presence for one and all to see

Face of a frog, breath of a deadly dog
Its ugly head bends down to force a kiss
Licking my face, falls flatly like a log
On the floor, and sheds its skin with a hiss

With power of an ox, roughness of a rock
It slithers in, eating my body raw
Not yet done it feeds like a hungry hawk
Its deed dead but will come again to gnaw

I lay low in bed, a wilting flower bud.
Next time,It will be chewing me like cud.

HEY THIS IS SOMETHING I WROTE LAST SEMESTER, FEEL FREE TO INTERPRET IT!

Love,

aditi

P.S : any suggestions for a title?

A NEW DAY .......... A NEW START!

Some days just seem different and today was one of them. I got up with a stupid smile on my face. I felt weirdly optimistic of the day ahead. None of the issues that tormented me had been solved, still i felt lighter. The demons of pessimism were banished and i was rearing to go, unleash myself on the world.

I`ll admit it am happy after a long time and feel i can take on any one today. I was also eager to attend my lectures today!( which is strange because i usually am least bit interested!). So for a change i reached the university half an hour before my class. I walked or waltzed around, under a faded blue sky. Rays of sunshine danced with me as they fell through the bare trees. My best friend my I-pod also accompanied me, singing to me and pepping me up! A perfect time to bid adieu to the blues forever (if i can help it).

Class was really interesting and i was all ears, we started off with the distinction between the author and narrator of a work and moved on to talk about why literature is created or how it is conceived. Then we moved on to the basic question as to why people write, personal diaries were cited as examples.We also discussed if writing or any other art is inherent or a skill that has to be acquired, this got my attention for it was nice to hear every ones opinion. The class rolled on for two hours but i didn`t want to leave. It was nice to see a class come alive amidst the debate and hats off to meera for forcing us wrack our brains and think about the things that we take for granted.

After class we all headed to the o.c. There we became the unlikely specimens for a psychology dissertation. We were handed out questionnaires and asked to fill them. They were questions about how we perceive ourselves etc. I don't take any thing seriously so i breezed through all the questions. But it made other people think too much and supi faced her own existential crisis! lol!

So to round off the day, it was a rare occasion when the blue Danube flowed through the university. and yes before i forget the roads of the university witnessed an apparition today! a two headed monster, who was bawling songs of bob marley and gurgling out bohemian rhapsody.

It doesn`t make sense, just let be...........
hello sunshine, goodbye ______

P.S A special thank you to all my friends who bear me, who have talked to me when i was down, have been there for me and are of more help than they realise......... i know this is going to sound cliched but to hell with that am happy today.......... you guys rock!

cheers and love,
aditi
(I`M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

An autopsy - before death

Well don't be surprised by the title I am not tearing open any living being (even though i am kind of psycho and people assume that I get some sadistic pleasure out doing just that) oops sorry for digressing, this post is about the autopsy of my i-tunes folder called 25 most played songs.......... I looked through before resetting the song count on that list and my oh my the number of skeletons in my closet........

The results were surprising indeed and left me little red in the face. The music you listen to is like the pulse of your life as it stands. For am sure no one can be forced to listen to stuff they hate! ( on your i-pod at least). So without saying another word lets start with the dissection. Lets take it from the top!

.......... and the (dis)honour list goes as follows *drum roll* -
coming in at no.1 we have take that`s "back for good" being played just over 54 times in the last month.......... my problem with that song, well its a boy band song and take that started the whole trend, need i say more. and if by chance your wondering why the hell i was putting up with it in the first place i have my reasons and if your curious to know you can keep guessing. But it will be obvious to any one whose heard this song. and yeah am not confirming anything. *phew*

The next song on the list , well its not a mainstream track, it was Alice in chains` down in a hole........... now that's very cheerful now isn`t it? I surely don't recommend this song to anyone who is down and low. At no. 3 we have van halen with CANT STOP LOVING YOU , I think just the title is gives away a lot..... Moving on at no. 4 we have something that no one would expect on my i-pod, but its makes an appearance on my the most played list........ a Hindi song, bheegi bheegi from gangster, my excuse, well what can i say, that will give away more than i want to....... so lets just leave it at that,I can this, the track reminded me of a time gone by, a time i`ve been trying 2 erase, but the play count paints another picture and points to my failure at doing just that..... At no.5 we have one of my all time favourites and its a pity that it didn`t claim a higher spot, 4 non blondes - what`s up, am sure i`ve sung it out loud every time time that it was played and if the noise pollution levels in pune have increased over the duration of the last month you know whom to blame....... next up we have Joe satriani piece called always with me..... hmmmm........
Air supply sits pretty at no. 7 with ` "am all out of love" , now can you see a pattern emerging here.......... At 8,we have greenday breaking the sequence with, i know what your thinking but its not boulvd of broken dreams, the track is TIME OF YOUR LIFE, its a farewell song and i am sure tops every ones list at the end of college etc. that's the reason why it doesn't quite fit in, i still have a little over a year before i say goodbye to anyone. At 9, its led zepplin with Dyer maker..... and if you have heard this song.......... you will know...... who it conforms to its society - the play list. At no. 10 we have another one that conforms, bryan adams` Please forgive me, i think the song says it all!
No.11 is blind melon with NO RAIN, nice easy listening and doesn't make me look like a love sick puppy, so your always welcome on this list! Mr. Big is next with BE WITH YOU , well what did you expect? Queen with BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY is at no. 13, yup n love 2 scream out the bismillah let me go part...... Next up its counting crows` BIG YELLOW TAXI, its so true you dont know what you`ve got till its gone! that's the soul of the song. 15 has pink folyd making an appearance with not the usual suspects but a track called TWO SUNS IN THE SUNSET, now that's peculiar i would have expected comfortably numb or wish you were here or may be even coming back to life! Queen again at no. 16 with I WANT TO BREAK FREE, an all time fav again! 17 ACDC`S HIGHWAY TO HELL, that's surely where am going if my i-tunes folder is an oracle. i cant quite believe no. 18 its MLTR`S SLEEPING CHILD, am convinced that some little imps have been borrowing my i-pod. 19 is guns n roses with PATIENCE, man things would have been a lot better if i had some patience! rounding up the top 20 is james blunt with of course YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and who doesn't like someone saying that to them. Jokes apart what i get from this song in spite of it being termed as pop is the joy from momentary pleasures and how they can lighten up the rest of your life ( may be i can dedicate an entire post to this!)
No. 21 n 22 have phantom planet with lonely day and California respectively, both are tributes, the former to my life and the latter to the O.C, wonder if i wud`ve heard this song if it wasn't for the series. 23 has queen with david bowie doing "under pressure", pressure sure everyone has it hanging on their heads these days! the penultimate song on the list is MR. BRIGHT SIDE by the killers, this track has this kind of an energy that i simply adore! rounding up the list we have maroon 5 with THIS LOVE..., this was totally expected!
So now the final analysis at the end of the post-mortem, its quite obvious now isn't it? am not going to spell it out and confirm any ones doubts or guesses. period!

P.S- next time you want to decipher some ones life dissect their i- tunes 25 most played folder! what you listen to says a lot about what your going through!

so am signing out now.
love,
ADITI.