Manufacturing defect

If I be a hippo I wouldn’t have to worry about all the mud that is slung across to me. because we hippos like to roll around in mud you know. Ever heard of a delicate hippo with skin allergies and skin that is easily susceptible to damage? What happened to divine design? I demand my money back.

P.S: Fake hides anyone?

Walking away

Why does one need to assert their superiority to anyone, when nobody is contesting it? What happened to being open- minded and respecting other people's views- however dumb or incoherent they may sound to you?

Maybe, its insecurity. I am guilty of doing that too but that’s all water under the bridge now.

Nice matters you know.

Fish and hips

Are fish sexy? Sure mermaids are sexy. But what about them other fish in the sea? We plan to make them sexy too. We are for reservations in sexy for all those deadly sharks and them powerful whales. Whales are beautiful and powerful. We can surely rock the boat or a whole ship. And them sharks dripping with awesome coolethness can bite anyone’s head off.

So let’s rock the boat, go bite and have a sexy party as Stewie Griffin would say.

There is something about fishy coming this saturday to a watering pool near you.

Jokicide happened

The new coinage “jokicide1” will be explained with said example:
Pom’s status message on gtalk read – Want to have coffee with P. So bored me responds saying “what are you a modern coffee loving version of Morarji Desai?2” he doesn’t get it. He says, why and how come. I say coffee with P(ee) it seems. Pom is still confused by the reference- he continues to ask but why Morarji Desai? I lose my cool and say P as in pee- PEE IN YOUR COFFEE- now do you get it? He doesn’t so I just put up an emoticon and say damn you – you killed my joke. He goes on to explain P is woman still being clueless about the said reference. I lose it and just then brutal Jokicide happened. Sigh.
Jakaal 3 is a mass grave for many such jokes. They were killed by being brutally torn apart bit by bit when they were not gotten by the receiver and had to be explained. What to do? ‘Tis sad indeed.

1. Jokicide- the killing of a joke.
2. Morarji Desai as legend has it would drink his own urine
3. What we affectionately call the workplace.

No room for improvement!

The main reason I resent lissano and emo atyacharjee, next door is because they have a bigger room; we fucking pay the same rent. Not fair I say. I don’t know you, I don’t want to know you – I don’t want to be friends with you just because you are my flatmates. And you just remember I stay here too so maybe you could make some space in the fridge for me. You are not the only people in the house you know and you sure do act like it.
Today you guys crossed all limits – Queen emo atyacharjee has her whole courtroom with the jesters and her cabinet follow her around and they usually eat, sleep etc and basically hang around OUR flat! One of the clinger-ons actually asked my roommate to not lock our room. Damn you woman – you have a house go there and study.
Do I ever ask for your friend’s room? No. I don’t. Some of us have some fucking decency. I have been saddled with the tiniest room in the house but do I ever wander across to your room? Hell no! I feel suffocated sharing it with someone. Do I ever come and sit in your room? I keep to myself in my room when am home so next time don’t ask for my room damn it!
And Moserella, I am so pissed off with you- it was not just your room to give away to someone! Wtf, I mean it is my room too! I don’t buy the excuse that she wanted to study. She doesn’t even live in the freaking house damn it! Let her go to her own house and study or prance around. You give away my books and now this- really learn to respect other people’s things. I don’t like them (the clinger-ons) being there- really this is the limit- I have privacy/ possession issues- don’t test me woman. Don’t ask for my bucket too – I don’t care if it will be put to use by someone at least. You will pick out the last straw one of these days and heaven or whatever you believe in help you then…
You know what guys if I would have found another place I would have gladly moved- let’s live and let live and not interfere with each others lives for now, ok? Is that too much to ask? Give me some space damn it. Stay away from my damn room and keep your scumy hands off all things that are mine.

One jealousy supreme coming right up!

We have given up our usual bouts of the blues for the greens lately. I still sulk but deep within me there is a nasty green brew stirring and it is ghastly.

The brat, who usually manages photos that are cute, fun and playful – has a new avatar. She manages to look elegant in her most recent pictures- initially I was happy that my baby sister posing with a glass of champagne and a real classy dress could pull it off. I even dedicated my facebook status message to her. But deep inside I turned a shade that was close to the colour of her dress- deadly radioactive green, was my colour.

I am jealous of colleagues, I am jealous of friends- and I am stupid enough to tell them so and they look at me like some freak with her underwear on her head. I don’t know what to do. I know it’s not malicious- I just don’t have anything to be proud of now. Anyone care to offer an analysis?

Nine Months

I guess the gestation period is over and I find myself stuck in the birth canal waiting for the final push. It shows no signs of coming with the complications like recession in the picture. Will all my dreams and aspiration be DOA? Till then am stuck in a limbo- waiting to be born, waiting to be free- waiting for an end or a new beginning.

It has not been smooth sailing so far but here we are nine months down the line – demanding change and in the grips of uncertainty. Big fish in a small muddy puddle- I want out. I am very comfortable here and want to get out before I put down roots.

P.S : someone please hire me!

Sri Rama Sen(e)ile vs. Mangalore

Suprising, shocking- Talibanisation of Mangalore – the media screamed from all rooftops. For someone who gets to know about the “news” as it breaks, this one got to me a little late but as most Mangaloreans I was outraged by the whole incident.

Just recently I was bragging about how Mangalore was slowly changing from when I was there and how Mangalore had the best hangouts etc. I spoke too soon!

But is this really a shocker to you all? We have a history of putting up with things, we let it grow to this.. We are to blame and some of us even sympathise with them; we did not say anything when they started to tell us what to wear in colleges and who it was appropriate to talk to, in the name of modesty and tradition they were forcing their Taliban regime on young minds. I was asked to let it go by friends and family. I felt betrayed then when I felt that no one cared enough they told me just do what they tell you to do, you go to college to study and not for a fashion show- I was just 16 then and it changed something in me. I felt smothered and I chose to run away, I was 16 I did not have what it took to fight the system. I knew such an atmosphere would not let me grow.

It has gone on for years and no one has cared to raise their voice against it. Many of you were sympathetic towards their cause and believed that the majority needed to be represented/ protected. There were kinds of theories in the air about how Muslim boys seduced young Hindu girls and eloped with them- so we were told don’t go to Saibeen, stay away from Muslims etc. we always sympathized with them! The so called protectors of culture and tradition!

Get my facts right you’ll say- well sure the Sri Ram Sene is a break away faction of the Bajrang Dal. But this is how it started we let them thrive and spread like a disease through our city. Shame on you Mangalore for not doing anything earlier!

Politicians at play

The BJP and the Congress are pointing fingers at each other and trying to gain political mileage from the incident. At this time what they need to do is stop grabbing the lime light from the actual cause! We want our Mangalore back! Arrest the culprits and make sure that something like this never happens again – the BJP and the Bajrang dal were quick to distance themselves from the whole issue. It’s a given that they are not from your party but they think on similar lines – just that intensity and the methods differ. You really need to re-think your hindutva and your take on tradition and culture. You seem to be upholding the very foreign values that you seem to want to protect your culture against this whole issue of a woman’s modesty and being fully covered up comes from what the mughals brought along. The purdah system if you may! It also has a very corseted Victorian tinge to it… our times and what you want to make of it, is similar and these are one of the things that the British left behind and you called it as your own. So is this really Indian culture that you are upholding?

And the congress do something more constructive than wondering how to gain political mileage out of this one- you have been in power too when all this was happening what did you do about it? Zilch! Do something better than bad mouthing the BJP, you have done squat in the many years that you have fucked our country royally. You dividing people on class lines are what’s lead to the other forces gaining power and exploiting the people who felt threatened by your vote bank politics.

No one gets to walk away from this – we demand action; squash these pseudo-culture protecting vermin once and for all.

The Media circus

This incident was ignored by the print media and was ushered into the spotlight only after the sensation hungry broadcast media saw some potential in it for higher TRPs. What ever the reasons behind it I am glad it got picked and I am glad people are angry.

But am compelled to question the footage of attack that I saw- how were the people who caught it on film aware of such an act transpiring? Were they informed about it? If so why did they not go to the Police first? What lengths can the media go for an exclusive? To all the people who say bravo to the people who caught it on film please consider this.

Us and them

All of us have condemned the violence against women. These kind of men who expect women to be “traditional” just want them to be dolls gift wrapped in saris, ones who are barefoot and pregnant and confined to the kitchen someone please sponsor a time machine for these men! The once who think beating up women is a tradition or a part of our culture – no time line would accept such vermin.

It could have been any of us, we could have been those girls!

The aftermath of these attacks will be that no girls will be allowed to frequent the pubs and discs in Mangalore. We will be scared and be forced into our shells, fearing another attack from the Sri Ram Sene. My advice to all women is – Please go to pubs and go on as business as usual; we can’t let them win. By being scared we will do exactly what they wanted – pubs will be male only and the women will be expected to sit pretty at home.

And if they do attack the pub that you are in let them have it – I know there is anger within all of you – use it right, use it in self defence. Break a glass bottle on their heads, pick up a chair and smash it into their spines! That is exactly what I will do if I come across them! Impractical as it may sound this is what I will do! I will not let this ruffians scare me! We will show them exactly how “traditional” we can get when they push us to such limits.

So are you again going to sit at home and say that this doesn’t really concern me? Or that staying out of trouble is the best option? Or that such issues and politics and the likes are for jerks? Then you probably deserve to put up with it – then don’t complain when these ruffians wreck havoc and hold your city to ransom.

It could have been any of us in that pub that day, we could have been those girls!

Its our Mangalore – lets get it back and lets show these vermin that they have no place in a town like ours!

(copy will be edited tomorrow and will be made more coherent)