I thought that if I did not have a happy thought to pen down, I would not write at all. But the misery has been over flowing lately. I keep to myself (or I think I do so, at least. Ok, I try real hard to) and see that the blue virus doesn’t get the ones around me too.
Last few days I’ve seen people raise my expectations about things and then just take it away from me. Nothing hurts more than wanting and then being told you can’t have it because you are not one of us. However hard I may try, I am not one of them.
I don’t belong anywhere and now since life is work and I don’t really have a life beyond that, I have to socialize with people I work with but somehow I am not one of them. My jokes and pop culture references are lost on all of them. So many witty jokes have died silent deaths because I had to explain them! I guess I expect too much of people, I will never have people who will get me. I feel all alone and I don’t like it one bit.
Maybe, I am being too much of a snob; but I know I don’t have too much in common with people I work with, you work with them you don’t have to be friends with them.
I still crave for company, it’s a real bad to be going through a needy phase. I just wish it would be like earlier, me, my books, my music (basic stuff, nothing interesting) and me all holed up in a room and transcending to my many imaginary yet more happier worlds. Screw reality, if this is the real world – I don’t want any of it.
I chose my option B, the alternate route; I wonder where I would have been had I chosen option A and the ways things are unfolding and me being neck deep in the depths of depression, I wonder if I made the wrong choice. It’s apparent that I would have found people who are like me there.
The people I work with now are nice. Nice, that’s it; it doesn’t cut it for me. I think I need to go out meet new people but that’s easier said than done. Now, it’s surprising that I am actually looking forward to a trip to the quaint little coastal town that I belong to; I am actually looking forward to seeing my family. Who would have thought I would get like this?
All relationships come with expiry dates; I have always believed that and maybe that’s why my pool of friends is dwindling. I don’t like to pretend and keep things going just because we were good friends ages ago and had the time of our lives. Close friends fade into “just” friends and then they drift further away to being acquaintances and then they are someone you know and you avoid them when they “hey, what you upto?” on gtalk because small talk is just one of the pretenses that ex-friends keep up with to tell themselves that we are still friends.
Goodbye, Sunshine. Ignorance is bliss.
… gee whiz I am dreaming my life away…
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Screw the real
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I jus loved what you wrote .
Esp "All relationships come with expiry dates; I have always believed that and maybe that’s why my pool of friends is dwindling. I don’t like to pretend and keep things going just because we were good friends ages ago and had the time of our lives. Close friends fade into “just” friends and then they drift further away to being acquaintances and then they are someone you know and you avoid them when they “hey, what you upto?” on gtalk because small talk is just one of the pretenses that ex-friends keep up with to tell themselves that we are still friends."
Verbal assurances can only go so far. And when empty words stop becoming isolated incidents. I guess we need to learn not to waste our emotion and lay all our love on thyself. Easy said than done I guess. Sigh!
Regrets, I see. The road that we take may not the road we intended to take, its true, but we only make ourselves feel worse by thinking of what may have been.
Go home, see if something comes up there. Change your direction.
And try not have regrets.
Sitting in the corner is fine, but ignoring your own blog is another thing altogether.
Just saying!
I don't blog here anymore :)
A post will be up soon on the other blog..
hard times, one has work extra hard to make ends meet.. that and am very lazy. not motivated enough to keep whining about my life! most blog posts these days are typed out in gtalk chat windows.. so all my energy and time is spent.
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty"
Groucho Marx
From Allen's Annie Hall:
..I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs...
Post a Comment